I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
Randomize
