Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
