He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
