Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
