You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
you better not pull some "waking up at 2 in the afternoon" shit, we have weed to smoke.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Randomize
