She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
dude sorry but u no that when a guys 'likes' ur pic on facebook it only means he was just jacking off to it.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
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