At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Randomize
