Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Hey have you ever thought about fishing cause I'd like to go fishing but don't know anyone that fishes and I'm gonna cry because. FISHING
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Randomize
