Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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