The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
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