I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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