Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
with great strapon comes great responsibility.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
