normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
