dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
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