According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
you will always have a special place in my vag
This is the way my sobriety ends: Not with a bang, but with a whimper.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize