If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
