im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
then he told me my boobs feel like "if you put mushroom soup in a baggie." I don't know how I'm supposed to feel about this.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
