You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
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