ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
