walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
And then he proceeded to take my heartbeat, because apparently that tells him whether I was faking or not...
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
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