I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
