ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
