I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
