Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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