I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Is it penis luge time yet?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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