We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
Randomize
