I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Randomize