Well douche your snatch and let's go!
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
