i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
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