Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Randomize
