if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Randomize
