whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Randomize
