i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
