The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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