did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize