you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Can you bring me the toilet please
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
