She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
alcohol turns me into mario batali of easy mac
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
