our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I bought an american flag today and by god im gonna fuck someone on it
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
also I saw his dick in the morning light and it was glorious. Like staring upon your birthday cake you ordered from heaven and going " can't wait to eat that later"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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