We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
you're asking me why i keep burn ointment in my purse.... do you really want to know the answer to that question?
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
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