sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
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