he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
Come on kid, foreplay is elementary stuff. It's a vagina, not a sphinx.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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