Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
you were crying while pretty ricky was playing, what did you want me to do
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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