I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
also, i am in no position to judge as my life choices today went along the lines of "YAY VODKA". for breakfast.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
