2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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