I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
Randomize