Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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