I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
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