just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
He's a Shit stain on my heart
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
He has the fingertips of a God
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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