Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Randomize
