apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
