Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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