I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
She got a boob job, dumped her husband, became a stripper, got a DUI in her Porsche and is now dating her lawyer
I’m making her my life coach if med school doesn’t work out
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