OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
