She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Randomize
