whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize