I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
I think this breakup is Gods way of telling me I deserve a bigger dick
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
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