I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
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