standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
He had to pee in the sink beside my head because the girl that I was taking care of was passed out on the toilet. To answer your question: yes i took a peek. Thats why we hooked up later.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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