so that wasnt chicken after all
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
