They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
