Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
My RA just sigh me high as fuck acting like a zombie and scratching at my door. Thoughts?
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
Randomize
