Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
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