She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
I'd send you a picture as proof but I want to marry him some day and that would be a deal breaker.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
