The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
