We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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