if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
