She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Randomize
