you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Randomize
