I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
